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'elf Expressions Ezine

Get Hold of Your Elf!

"Get hold of your 'elf!"


Your weekly collection of positive tips, hints, and advice offered with humor, inspiration, and other goodies for anyone who is inclined to read. Guidance, mentoring, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.

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Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 9 — Issue 7 — February 17, 2009
Published every Tuesday



Hi, everyone. We have quite a few new readers, and you are all invited to participate in the weekly contest to win the top sponsor promo spot. It's fun and easy, so be sure to take advantage of it.

Today we feature a politically incorrect blurb on the dastardly state of the city of Chicago, five important life lessons that will touch your heart, an informative article about search engines, a really neat piece in the guest article slot entitled, "Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar," and "The Writings on the Wall" in the inspiration section, and a lot more.

Quite a few of these should touch your heart, so enjoy! :-)


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In Remembrance of
September 11, 2001

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Smile!

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If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

—2 Chronicles 7:14



Contents:

Weekly Contest
A Healthier You
Politically Incorrect
Feature Article
Test Your Bible Knowledge
Today's Chuckle
Today's English Lesson
Internet Tips & Hints
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera


Contest


Results of last issue's contest, when the question was — Who was the youngest millionairess? The answer — The youngest millionairess was Shirley Temple (b. USA, April 23, 1928), now Mrs. Charles Black, who accumulated wealth exceeding $1 million (equivalent to nearly $9mil. today) before she was 10. Shirley Temple leapt to fame with the film Little Miss Marker. Later in life she turned to politics. She was the US ambassador to Czechoslovakia from 1989 to 1992.

For our subscribers only: Be first to submit the correct answer to the following question and receive the next available top sponsor slot gratis. So answer this:

Who is the youngest college graduate in the world?

Send to contest@elfexpressionsezine.com and be sure to include your promo copy with your entry. I will no longer contact winners to request it. Several people have missed out having their copy published, because they did not include their ads with their entries!





"It is our responsibilities, not ourselves,
that we should take seriously."

—Peter Ustinov



A Healthier You


"One can of cola contains enough phosphoric acid to significantly change our pH."

In her book, "Digestive Wellness," Elizabeth Lipski, PhD, CCN, explains how consuming even one can of soda can drastically affect pH:

"One can of cola contains enough phosphoric acid to significantly change our pH. The kidneys cannot excrete urine that is more acidic than about 5.0 without damaging them or the bladder. The pH of cola is between 2.8 and 3.2, about a hundred times more acidic than a pH of 5.0.

To dilute this to an appropriate level, you'd need thirty-three liters of urine. So, the body has another mechanism—using buffering minerals from elsewhere in the body. If there are enough reserves, the body will pull sodium and potassium to do this. If not, it will pull calcium, magnesium and other minerals from the bones.

The amount of minerals necessary would be the buffering capability of four TUMS. One can imagine the effects of drinking several cans of cola or one Big-Gulp daily."





What we are is God's gift to us.
What we become is our gift to God.

—Louis Nizer



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Politically Incorrect


This is on digg.com, but not on Snopes.
It was dated October last year, so some of the names have changed, but does anyone know if these are the real facts?

Pull out of Iraq?

Perhaps the U.S. should pull out of Chicago!

Body count in the last six months:

292 killed (murdered) in Chicago
221 killed in Iraq.

Chicago ... who runs it?

Senators: Barack Obama & Dick Durbin Representative: Jesse Jackson, Jr. Illinois Governor: Rod Blogojevich Illinois House leader: Mike Madigan Illinois Attorney General: Lisa Madigan (daughter of Mike) Chicago Mayor: Richard M. Daley (son of Mayor Richard J. Daley)

The leadership in Illinois? ... all Democrats.

Thank you for the combat zone in Chicago. Of course, they're all blaming each other.

They can't blame Republicans, because there aren't any.

State pension fund — $44 Billion in debt, worst in the country.

Cook County (Chicago) sales tax — 10.25% highest in country. (Look it up).

Chicago school system — rated one of the worst in the country.

This is the political culture that Obama comes from in Illinois. ... and he's going to "fix" Washington politics for us?

Good luck, and may God help us!



Feature Article


5 Important Life Lessons

#1 — First Important Lesson — Cleaning Lady

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired, and in her fifties, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2 — Second Important Lesson — Pick up in the rain

One night, at 11:30 pm, an older black woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down, and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled sixties. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by, and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole

3 — Third Important Lesson — Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were in line for a table, and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table, and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier, and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 — Fourth Important Lesson — The obstacle in our path.

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 — Fifth Important Lesson — Giving when it counts

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz, who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale, and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

=========================================================

 

Test Your Bible Knowledge

Fill in the blanks: " He healeth the broken in ______, and bindeth up their _______."

1 — heart, wounds
2 — spirit, hearts
3 — body, bones
4 — friendship, sins

Scroll down for the answer.





"In the time we have, it is surely our duty
to do all the good we can to all the people
we can in all the ways we can."

—William Barclay



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There is no distinctly Native American
criminal class ... save Congress.

—Mark Twain



Today's Chuckle


Amish Farmer

An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and cupping a hand to drink from the farm pond.

The Amish farmer shouts, "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." (which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows poop in it.")

The kneeling man shouts back, angrily, "I'm a Muslim. I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak to me in English."

The Amish farmer replies, "Use two hands—you'll get more."





Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

—Pericles (430 B.C.)



Today's English Lesson


Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. Look for some of these lessons to be repeated, because the mistakes are!

Don't know about you, but I'm seeing this one more and more. I'm talking about people using the verb "bear" instead of "bare" and vice versa.

To "bear," of course, means to endure, or to "bear" with something or someone, or to hold up or support a load, to "bear" the blame, the cost, or responsibility. It also means to "bear" or give birth to a child, or it can refer to a tree "bearing" fruit. It also can mean to "bear" witness to something. One person also can "bear" resemblance to another. Finally, it also can refer to a tendency of direction, as in to "bear" left at a fork in the road.

To "bare" means to uncover or to reveal, as in "baring" one's soul to another. This form of "bare" also can refer to something being "barely" there, as when we can "barely" see something in the distance.

Please, if you are not certain of which form to use, go to dictionary.com and look it up. Takes only a moment, and the rest of us will appreciate it. :-)

=========================================================

Reminder: We have a reasonably priced editing/proofreading service for articles or even entire ezines. Just email: service@elfexpressionsezine.com





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—P.J. O'Rourke



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Internet Hints & Tips


SEO General Guidelines
by Andreas Obermueller

SEO is an acronym for Search Engine Optimizing and refers to a set of good practices that teach you how to improve your website so that it can be easily tracked, indexed, and ranked by search engines. Getting your site indexed by Google and other major search engines will help you attract visitors and step up your traffic.

SEO is an exciting and ongoing process that involves not only an initial optimized website, but also permanent maintenance and evaluating search results on a regular basis. With the ever-changing Internet technology, SEO experts sometimes have contrasting opinions on what makes a good website. However, there are some general guidelines most of them agree on.

Design & Content

You should build your web pages for human beings and not for search engines. A clean design and strong content will ultimately drive search engine spiders to your site.

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I don't make jokes. I just watch the
government and report the facts.

—Will Rogers



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Guest Article



Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar
by Unknown Author

No one can make you serve customers well. That's because great service is a choice.

Harvey MacKay, tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.

He was standing in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey.

He handed me a laminated card and said:

"I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement."

Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said:

"Wally's Mission Statement: 'To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.'" This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf."

I said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink."

Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and diet Coke, water, and orange juice."

Almost stuttering, Harvey said, "I'll take a Coke."

Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today."

As they were pulling away, Wally handed me another laminated card. "These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio."

And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him alone with his own thoughts.

"Tell me, Wally," Harvey asked the driver, "have you always served customers like this?"

Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. "No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.

"He had just written a book called 'You'll See It When You Believe It.' Dyer said that 'if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself.' He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'"

"That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally. "Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more."

"I take it that has paid off for you," Harvey said.

"It sure has," Wally replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action."

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.

Wally the cab driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.

How about us?

Smile, and the whole world smiles with you ... The ball is in our hands!

===========================================================





To reach the port of heaven, we must sail,
sometimes with the wind and sometimes against
it—but we must sail, not drift or lie at anchor.

—Oliver Wendell Holmes.



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Answer to Bible trivia:

1 — heart, wounds is correct.
See Psalm 147:3



Inspiration


The Writing on the Walls
by Miranda (Randi) Jiles

This is for all the moms out there who have had to clean crayon from the walls.

I remember back when my son, at age three, colored on the walls in his bedroom. It was a new house, and I was so upset. I gathered the cleaning supplies and began to scrub the crayon off the wall.

I was grumbling as I was doing this about how coloring was to be done on paper, not on the walls when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a heartbroken little boy sitting against the wall with a tear rolling down his face. I stopped and gathered him up to comfort him, as my intentions were not to hurt his feelings.

As I was holding him and talking to him, he began to tell me about the scribbles I had seen on the wall. For every scribble I had seen, it was something that he loved, and he seen something else. He told me things like "this is us, mommy, at the park, and here is my christmas tree, and look, this is you reading to me at night."

I realized all I saw was scribbles, but what he saw were pictures and memories of the things he loved.

I can tell you right now those pictures stayed for years to come. He is older now and does not scribble on the wall, and the pictures have long been painted over.

However, I often think of all the things we as adults see as scribbles. I often think how our heavenly Father must shed tears as we try to wipe away the scribbles in our lives. You know the ones I am talking about—the rainy day that we see as a burden and a mess.

We do not see the flowers, the trees, or the grass that grow from that rain. The neighbor who talks to much that we try to avoid running into her, we see her as a scribble, yet if we ever took the time to listen, she might be a great friend.

The mother in the grocery store, who has many children and takes forever in the line, we see as a scribble and complain to our spouse or friends. We do not see an opportunity to help someone out or lend a hand.

The muddy shoes that are tracked across the floor we see as a scribble, not the masterpiece that was built in the mud, or the ball game won. The sick, the poor, the needy, we see them all as scribbles, and we fail to look beyond to see the person that they are. The bugs, the rain, the snow become scribbles in our hectic lives.

I think back of my son's silent tears and the heartache he felt when I was cleaning the wall. It was not scribbles to him. What a lesson learned; now, instead of seeing scribbles I see the picture that was intended.

If we all take time to see beyond the scribbles, what a blessing we may find: new friendships, the beauty of our world, the opportunity to change someone's life and give them hope. I could ultimately sell you something to remove the scribbles from the wall, but I won't.

Take the time to look at the scribbles on the wall and see what your little one sees. Then take the time to look at the scribbles in your life and see what God intended you to see.

Miranda Jiles (Randi) is team member of Momswin at: http://tinyurl.com/amunk3 Randisrattle@hotmail.com




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