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'elf Expressions Ezine

Get Hold of Your Elf!

"Get hold of your 'elf!"


Your weekly collection of positive tips, hints, and advice offered with humor, inspiration, and other goodies for anyone who is inclined to read. Guidance, mentoring, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.

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Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 9 — Issue 12 — March 24, 2009
Published every Tuesday


Hi, readers ... By the time you read this, I will have just returned from Noblesville, Indiana, after having surprised my daughter and her family with an unannounced, unexpected visit. I mean, they had absolutely no clue ...

And, with only a slight alteration, it went exactly as I had it planned. :-) She was SO surprised and kept telling me over and over how glad she was that I was there. I am so blessed. (And I like it when a plan comes together!)

Anyway, hope you enjoy today's issue.


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In Remembrance of
September 11, 2001

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Smile!

If you enjoy this ezine, you can help it grow faster by introducing 'elf Expressions to just one other person—because the faster we grow, the more we all benefit from the promo copy. Thank you!

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Signature

 

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

—2 Chronicles 7:14



Contents:

Top Sponsor
Weekly Contest
A Healthier You
Feature Article
Test Your Bible Knowledge
Today's Chuckle
Today's English Lesson
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera


Top Sponsor


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Contest


Results of last issue's contest, when the question was — What is the fastest growing plant in the world? The answer — The fastest growing plant in the world is the bamboo. Some species of the 45 genera of bamboo have been found to grow at up to 91 cm (3 ft) per day, or at a rate of 0.00003 km/h (0.00002 mph). Bamboo grows one third faster than the fastest growing tree. Some species can grow up to one meter per day. It is said you can almost watch it grow! See Jan Emo's offer above.

For our subscribers only: Be first to submit the correct answer to the following question and receive the next available top sponsor slot gratis. So answer this:

What is the longest kiss ever recorded?

Send to contest@elfexpressionsezine.com and be sure to include your promo copy with your entry. I will no longer contact winners to request it. Several people have missed out having their copy published, because they did not include their ads with their entries!





These days come and go, but they say nothing,
and if we do not use the gifts they bring,
they carry them as silently away.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson



A Healthier You


This is Very Scary, but true, as far as I've
been able to determine ... be sure to read!

What is in your food now? What will be in food in the future?

Monsanto (with Cargill, Archer Daniels Midland, etc.) is trying to push through HR 875, HR759, HR814, HR1105 & S.425.These bills will mean NO MORE ORGANIC FOOD OR FARMERS MARKETS! If you think you can just grow your own vegetables or have community gardens, NATURAL SEEDS ARE INCREASINGLY BEING MADE ILLEGAL! You will not be able to buy any seeds that aren't genetically altered.

Monsanto is trying to patent EVERY PLANT ON EARTH? They alter, add or delete one piece of DNA, then file a patent on the entire plant. Monsanto people are working in the FDA and the U.S. Patent Office and are facilitating this.

Clarence Thomas, who was a lawyer for Monsanto, wrote the overly broad Supreme Court decision on "life form patenting" favoring Pioneer Hi-Bred (one of Monsanto's companies) making it easy for Monsanto to file patents on plants.

Monsanto sues our small farmers when wind carries Monsanto's patented seeds onto neighboring farms.

SWAT teams have been raiding farms and the USDA is staging raids against the Amish farmers in Wisconsin and the Mennonite farmers in Pennsylvania.

Over 166,000 farmers in India have committed suicide in the last 10 years, because buying Monsanto seeds and fertilizer caused them insurmountable debt.

In Iraq, Paul Bremer issued Order 81, paving the way for Monsanto.

Congresswoman DeLauro, who introduced one of the bills, is married to Stanley Greenberg (Greenberg Research). Monsanto is his client.

This is what REALLY scares farmers! This makes farmers "STOCKHOLDERS" of their own property (NOT OWNERS of their OWN LAND!) And their animals will NOT be defined as THEIR ANIMALS, but as part of the "NATIONAL HERD." This abolishes a freedom our country was founded on ... to OWN PROPERTY!

Rodney Nelson, a farmer in North Dakota, details his ordeal with Monsanto on his website, http://www.nelsonfarm.net/. Rodney stood up to Monsanto and refused to sign a gag order. (Monsanto forces most farmers sign gag orders.)

Help the Organic Consumers Association fight this insanity: Organic Consumers Association - 6771 South Silver Hill Drive, Finland MN 55603 — Phone: 218-226-4164 — Fax: 218-353-7652. Send a tax-deductible donation at http://www.organicconsumers.org/donations.cfm





To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich, add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.



Classifieds


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Feature Article


Attention, all non-ostriches ...

Listen to me, everyone! You need to go immediately and watch this video ... it takes an hour and 51 minutes, but it is worth every minute. This is vital information that you need to know.

Ownership of private property in the US is about to be a thing of the past, as is control of just about everything else in our lives. You will be taxed on every mile you drive ... that's why newer cars all have computers and GPS systems, so that you can be tracked.

This is NOT about partisan politics and not about politicians per se. Get past the Obama stuff and into the real meat ... some of you already know some of this stuff, as we did, but a LOT of it is incredibly shocking ... and sadly, all too true ... do NOT put this off!

Is life too busy to see where it's headed?

This video will blow your mind, and you'll never be the same again.

http://tinyurl.com/cbrqvf

=========================================================



 

Test Your Bible Knowledge

Fill in the blanks: "There is none that _______, there is none that _______ after God."

1 — understandeth, seeketh
2 — comprehendeth, striveth
3 — praises, follows
4 — worships, follows

Scroll down for the answer.





You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.

—Wayne Dyer



Classifieds


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What is now proved was once only imagined.

—William Blake



Today's Chuckle


Bank Lobby

During the years that I was home with my three children, I occasionally had to handle banking business for our family-owned corporation. One of those times my youngest was only two weeks old and the older ones were three and four years old. With trepidation I entered the bank lobby with all three children in tow, hoping that they would behave appropriately for that business climate, and was dismayed to see several people in each teller's line.

As I held the baby, I swayed and bounced to keep her relaxed and quiet. After a few minutes, my four-year-old daughter, who was holding my skirt, looked up and asked, "Mommy, why are you doing that?"

Then, after a short pause, her face lit with revelation and she asked knowingly, "Do you need to go potty?" It's a shame bank lobbies can be so quiet!





Learning is not compulsory ... neither is survival.

—W. Edwards Deming



Today's English Lesson


Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. Look for some of these lessons to be repeated, because the mistakes are!

"Roll" or "role"?

Pretty cut and dried for most of us, yet some folks just don't get it.

"Roll" as a noun can be eaten; or a "roll" call; or a "roll" of thunder. "Roll" as a verb refers to something that turns over; or a throw of the dice; or to "roll" something up in a ball.

"Role" is a part that is played, whether it is a character or a function.

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Reminder: We have a reasonably priced editing/proofreading service for articles or even entire ezines. Just email: service@elfexpressionsezine.com





The mediocre teacher tells.
The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates.
The great teacher inspires.

—William Arthur Ward



Classifieds


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Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.

—W. H. Auden



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Guest Article



Ezine Classified Ads: Copywriting Guide for Newbies
by Adrian Jock

Many newbies can be heard saying, "I don't need to write my own ezine ads. My guru provided in the members area all the ads I need."

If you don't want to remain a newbie for the rest of your life, then stop being a copycat. Improve your own skills and don't be afraid of failures.

Yes, FAILURES.

The path from newbie to expert always includes one or more failures. But if you keep going, you'll soon see the SUNLIGHT at the end of the tunnel.

Sure, there is an alternative: remain a copycat. But at the end of your tunnel you will always see ... just another tunnel.

You don't like this perspective, do you?

Do yourself a service: stop right now being a copycat. Here is your copywriting guide for ezine classified ads ...

Ezine classified ads are short ezine ads. That's why it's easier to write such ads and you will spend less money on advertising.

When you're at the beginning of your learning curve you have to start small ... Let's start ...

Rule #1 — Forget the pronoun "I" and learn to use "you" and "your."

Reason: The readers are neither interested in your person, your life, your achievements or your failures, nor in your friends and their success.

Rule #2 — Tell the readers how THEIR lives can be improved by using the product or service you promote.

Reason: It's obvious!

Rule #3 — Don't waste the advertising space by saying unimportant things like:

— starting & ending wordings typical for letters or solo ads (Dear Friend, To Your Success)

— your name

Reason: The advertising space for such ads is very limited. The more unimportant things you say, the less space you have for important things.

Rule #4 — Emphasize the most important words from your ezine ad by writing them using only capital letters.

Reason: Writing in capital letters grabs the reader's attention.

Warning: Don't write using ONLY capital letters. When you try to emphasize everything, you won't emphasize anything.

Rule #5 — Avoid the hype and grammatical errors.

Reason: Both of them affect your credibility.

Rule #6 — Don't mislead the readers.

Reason: It's immoral. In addition, in most countries it's illegal to mislead the consumers.

Rule #7 — Forget about simple and common calls to action like "Cleck here" or "Check this out."

Reason: Such simple calls to action only waste the space. They are a NO-NO in copywriting. When you will be more experienced don't forget to better approach this aspect. It's an important one and you need to learn how to write a good call to action.

Rule #8 — Use at maximum the advertising space you buy. For example, if you buy a 7-line ad space, then write a 7-line ezine ad, not a 6-line ad.

Reason: You need to grab the reader's attention and you can do it only by revealing as many benefits as you can. If your ad tells almost nothing, you will get the same in exchange: almost nothing!

Rule #9 — Use a service that shortens the link to your website and works like an ad tracker at the same time.

Reason: You save advertising space by using shorter links and you also track the results of your advertising campaign. By analysing the results, you will be able to improve your future actions.

Rule #10 — Write more versions for your ezine ad and ask your relatives, colleagues or friends which one grabs their attention and makes them click on your link.

Reason: No one is able to write the best ad on the spot. Even the best copywriters write more ads and test them to see which one is better.

Forget about excuses like "I don't know how" and "I don't have time." Start RIGHT NOW to write your own ezine classified ads, and you won't regret it!

To Your Success!
Adrian Jock

©2009, Adrian Jock

===========================================================

Adrian publishes Ezine Advertising Info Newsletter, an ezine dedicated to help ezine advertisers succeed. To read recent issues or subscribe free to his ezine, visit his blog: http://tinyurl.com/dygvq3

If you want to use a professional service for placing your ezine classified ads, Adrian recommends ADS HOME Ezine Classified Ad Co-op: http://tinyurl.com/2s6xhq





Words have to be backed up just like your computer ... with boldness, belief, and passion.



Classifieds


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Now you can learn how to drop the pounds, keep them off, and live a healthier, sexier and more vibrant lifestyle. If you've ever followed any new diet, lost only to re-gain it and more, or you're having trouble dropping some much needed pounds, then you really should visit this site: http://tinyurl.com/cd3bkf




Answer to Bible trivia:

1 — understandeth, seeketh is correct.
See Romans 3:11



Inspiration


2 Tough Questions

Question 1 — If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had eight kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2 — It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?

Candidate A — Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8-10 martinis a day.

Candidate B — He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college, and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C — He is a decorated war hero, a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer, and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first ... no peeking ... then scroll down for the candidates' identities.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.

Remember — An amateur ... built the ark.
Professionals ... built the Titanic.




Etcetera

Contact publisher at:
elfbutter@cervo.net

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