Your weekly collection of marketing tips, hints, and advice interspersed with humor, inspiration, and other goodies to spice things up a bit. Guidance, tutoring, advice, mentoring, coaching, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.
Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 4 - Issue 3 - January 20, 2004
Published every Tuesday
Greetings, all . . . here's something a little extra special that was sent along to me, and it is with great pleasure that I share it with all of you. It truly is incredible!
Following 9/11, Lois Jarvis of Madison, Wisconsin made this beautiful quilt. When the quilt comes up, click on it to enlarge it, and then click again and again—each time it gets larger. When you make it big, you will see the faces of people who died at the World Trade Center. Imagine the amount of work and planning that had to go into this. It was a labor of great love.
Also, I'd like to wish my beautiful mother a happy 83rd birthday. Sometimes I think back over my life at all the changes I've seen happen in our old world. And then I think of Mom and all what she has seen come and go and change . . . mind boggling!
In
Remembrance of
September 11, 2001
If you enjoy this ezine, you can help it grow faster by introducing 'elf Expressions to just one other person—because the faster we grow, the more everyone benefits from the ads. Thank you!
If you've missed any issues, you still can see them.
Just go to:
To see my sons' fantastic new invention, a truck caplift, which allows you to install or remove a pick-up truck cap with no assistance, go here: http://caplift.net
"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."
—Dr. Lee De Forest (inventor of the vacuum tube), 1957
Contents:
Sponsor Ad
Ad Contest
Subscriber in the Spotlight
Feature Article
Classifieds
Today’s Chuckle
Today's English lesson
Internet Tips & Hints
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera
Sponsor Ad
Hello, Fellow 'elf Expressions Subscribers!
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Ad Contest
Results of last issue's ad contest, when the challenge was to figure out these anagrams:
banci rvefe — triwen subel — lal thus ni — neke pede onsw — clod disnw glibwon.
Jason Wise was first in with all the correct answers . . . see his ad above:
cabin fever — winter blues — all shut in — knee deep snow — cold winds blowing
For our subscribers only: Be first to submit the correct answer to the following question and receive the next available top sponsor ad Free. Here we go with this week's geographical anagram challenge:
Send to adcontest1@elfexpressionsezine.com and
be sure to include your ad with your entry so that I do not have to contact you separately to get it. Several people have missed out having their ads published, because they did not respond with their ads in before my deadline.
Diabetes — Cholesterol — Blood pressure
The following is a testimonial for The Master's Miracle.
"I am 70 years old and suffer from diabetes. Prior to using the Master’s Miracle products I also had open heart surgery. I have been using the Master’s Miracle products for about 4 months now. I have used them very sparingly, because I was skeptical at first. In fact I just placed my second order and will start using the products more seriously, because last week I went to the doctor, and he told me that my blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure are all perfect! I have been able to cut back on my insulin just with the small amounts I have taken. Perhaps I can get off of insulin completely in the near future."
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator
are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Subscriber in the Spotlight
The first subscriber to submit his or her personal profile sharing with the rest of us all about who he/she is, background, family, location, interests, hobbies, goals, dreams, etc., will be spotlighted right here next issue—and yes, an email and/or URL may be included!
This week's Subscriber in the Spotlight is no one, because that is exactly who submitted his bio!
If you're feeling bad about your decisions, read this:
"Groups with guitars are on their way out."
—from a Decca Records memo explaining why the
company passed on signing the Beatles in 1962.
Feature Article
Be Mindful of the Filters!
As publishers, all of us, unfortunately, have had to learn to foil the spam filters which are becoming increasingly aggressive.
Even if you are not a publisher and choose just to market online, you are going to have to learn the in's and out's of tackling this problem.
Sure, you can continue doing what you're doing, and you may see some results, but they will be mediocre when compared to what you could be doing if only you would take the time to learn.
For at least a year now I have used the free program at http://ezinecheck.com to run this ezine through, and it does a reasonably adequate job. But I always suspected there was a better way. And I was right.
The sweet thing about EzineCheck is that it is free. However, there is a newer, more powerful (read effective) software available. It is not free, but it is most effective.
Not only does e-Filtrate catch what EzineCheck does not, but it also can suggest alternative words to the trigger ones, which will eliminate some of the necessity to use the foilers, such as the circumflex ( ) that I use in this ezine so much.
Feel free to reprint the above article with this info intact: Article penned by Mary Wilkey, publisher of 'elf Expressions Ezine: http://elfexpressionsezine.com
Answer — Queen Candace, as found in Acts 8:27 "And he arose and went: and,
behold, a man of Ethiopia, an eunuch of great authority under Candace queen
of the Ethiopians . . . "
Classifieds
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for 40 minutes. Raise your pH levels with The Master's Miracle, and
allow your body to heal itself, naturally . . . the way
the Master intended. http://www.supremely.themastersmiracle.com
Watch this 3-minute movie.
It has changed my life
It can change yours, too! http://www.clickforsuccess.org/?id=20695
Submit your info, and then listen to a live
Q & A call that will be sent directly to the
email address your furnish.
This is an answer to prayer for everyone!
"Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is the lightning that
does the work."
—Mark Twain
Today's Chuckle
The Annual Darwin Awards
For those of you not familiar with the Darwin awards, they are awarded
annually for the most extreme act of (usually terminal) stupidity—
they are now in for 2004 . . . enjoy.
First Place — The 2004 Darwin Grand Award Winner:
When his 38-caliber revolver
failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only
inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked . . .
And now, the honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days.
An American teenager was in the hospital recently recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
These instances of moronism carried to the extreme will be continued in this spot next week.
"I always greet our employees with a warm 'Hi! How are you?' When a new employee answers, 'Uh, pretty good. How are you, Mary Kay?' I’ll say, 'You’re not just good, you’re great!' Each time I see him or her afterward, he or she will say, 'I’m great!' and the smile will get bigger and bigger. If you act enthusiastic, you become enthusiastic—and it spreads like wildfire!"
—Mary Kay Ash
Today's English Lesson
Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. Look for some of these lessons to be repeated, because the mistakes are!
Homophones (words that sound alike but have different meanings and spellings) seem to give a lot of trouble to a lot of us.
Let's learn the differences:
"Jamb" or "jam"? "Jamb" refers only to the side of a door. "Jam" can be either a noun or a verb. As a noun, it refers, of course, to a bread spread. As a verb, it means to cram something into something else, or (figuratively), to "jam" something down someone's throat.
1 — No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2 — When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3 — If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4 — Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5 — You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6 — Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7 — Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8 — You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9 — Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10 — The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Internet Hints & Tips
Commonly used Internet related file types — Part 1
Are you wondering what all those file types you
see on the web are about? What are their meanings?
What do they stand for?
Well, here are a few that you commonly see, but we are
certain most of you don't know what they stand for.
1 — Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2 — Wrinkles don't hurt.
3 — Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4 — Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5 — Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6 — Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Guest Article
Didn't like learning this about one of my favorite stores! by Dick Forrey, of the Vietnam Veterans Association
Recently, we asked the local Target store to be a proud sponsor of the
Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall during our spring recognition event.
We received the following reply from the local Target management:
"Veterans do not meet our area of giving. We only donate to the arts,
social action groups, gay & lesbian causes, and education."
So I'm thinking, if the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall and veterans in
general do not meet their donation criteria, then something is really wrong
at this Target store. We were not asking for thousands of dollars, not even
hundreds, just a small sponsorship for a memorial remembrance.
As a follow-up, I e-mailed the Target U.S. corporate headquarters, and
their response was the same. This is their national policy.
Then I looked into the company further. They will not allow the Marines to
collect for "Toys for Tots" at any of their stores. And during the recent Iraq
deployment, they would not allow families of employess who were called
to active duty to continue their insurance coverage while they were on
military service. Then as I dug further . . . Target is a French-owned corporation.
Now, I'm thinking again. If Target cannot support American Veterans,
then why should I, my family, my friends, my country support their stores by spending
our Hard Earned American dollars and have the profits sent to France.
Without the American Vets, where would France be today?
Feel free to pass this along to whomever you want.
The most destructive habit...........................................................Worry
The greatest joy...........................................................................Giving
The greatest loss......................................................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work.................................................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait..................................................Selfishness
The most endangered species...................................Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource..................................................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm".......................................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome..................................................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill.......................................Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease.............................................Excuses
The most powerful force in life........................................................Love
The most dangerous pariah....................................................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer....................................The brain
The worst thing to be without..........................................................Hope
The deadliest weapon............................................................The tongue
The two most power-filled words.................................................."I Can"
The greatest asset...........................................................................Faith
The most worthless emotion.......................................................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire............................................................ A smile!
The most prized possession........................................................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.............................Prayer
The most contagious spirit.....................................................Enthusiasm
"Note: We are not liable for the use of any contributed information contained herein. We also claim no responsibility for the legality or accuracy of advertisements or articles submitted and reprinted by permission. It is the contributor's and/or advertiser's responsibility to abide by all pertinent jurisdictional laws and regulations pertaining to that person's business."
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